My career as a professional liar started long before I decided to take up writing or apply for jobs, in fact, it happened so long ago that recalling the very first white lies I ever uttered is practically impossible. Now, I know once the word liar is said, the first words that come to mind hail from a list that could in all practicality be titled: Bad Stuff. Some of these include: bad, immoral, Bush, dishonest; and so i must admit that perhaps, in general, liars are one, if not many of these things. I am different though. Just like malpractice lawyers or plastic surgeons are seen as the worst of their profession, these liars that are associated with these words are the dregs of our profession; they lie because they seek an immoral end. I don’t.
See, lying much like any other honed skill requires a host of talents, opportunities to practice, and a certain moral flexibility. That being said, having rigid morals is also just as important. I was an early bloomer; in fact, I am willing to say that with few exceptions, I am quite possibly the most experienced and most definitely the best liar that my generation has ever seen. See, the stage was perfect. I was raised in a strict and conservative Korean family in a crazy liberal American society. Enough said. I was also gifted with the crazy ability to read a persons trust in me throughout the duration of any conversation. With a little tweaking, solid acting, and good word choice, I’m pretty much able to get away with anything. I’m not saying I can convince a random hotty that I’ve climbed Mount Everest and Hang-glided down, nor am I saying I can convince my teacher that I really did work so hard for this test and can’t understand why I failed. What I am saying, however is that I can always, without fail, plant the seed of an idea in someone’s fertile brain and nurture it to become an idea they believe they’ve come up with. Whether or not that babe is convinced that I climbed Mount Everest and Hang-glided down is no longer the question; it simply becomes an outrageous possibility but a possibility nonetheless.
Sound like a load of crap? Pretty much. You’re probably thinking, “listen to this pretentious ass go on and on about how great he is at lying.” or… not. Regardless, you should trust me when I say that this ability, this gift, is very, very real. I’ve convinced people I’m Jewish, have gone shark hunting, and am homeless all as a single persona. At least, if it loses any value, it still holds a certain amount of amusement for me to realize that some people will try so hard to believe in the things they want to believe in.
As with everything good, there is a catch that bites you in the ass. Sometimes it’s so bad that everything: every lie, every relationship, every belief you had feels like it could all come undone.
